Rambling ;_;

=/ Me doesn’t like limitations. Or pressure to be a certain way or expectations.

You can probably tell from my last post that I’ve been conscious these days about what others think about me or expect from me, and I’m talking about my youtube channel. Every time before I SERIOUSLY consider pursuing one of the projects I’ve been thinking about doing, I think about how others might react, or in my case most likely, NOT react at all.

Just for an example, my second singing video was a fandub of “Don’t Say Lazy” from K-ON! and it was my first thing that got me what I considered a lot of attention [which I’m still grateful about *__*] but these days, I don’t do much anime anymore…….. And it makes me feel like, “Ah. D: I might be betraying/disappointing those who started following me for my anime fandubs…”

Or like how I pretty much stopped all H!P dubs [honestly I don’t like current H!P things ;___; I get bored.. although I would still do H!P things if it’s in Totally Up! Project] and I feel like I totally have diverted from the origins of my dubbingness and went into K-pop covers. D: I always feel bad for people who’ve started following me for H!P or anime, who have no interest in what I’m interested in now.

And if you’ve been watching my videos, you MUST have noticed that I started to really like rapping. I want to practice it and I think it’s fun to write raps into songs. I feel kind of bad for the people who want to watch my videos for my singing and look forward to my vocal improvement, but instead get hella songs full of rapping, which they don’t appreciate as much as singing.

Oh yeah. -_____- I also have an AMV amidst my collection of uploads. But that was never popular so nobody expects me to make more. So that doesn’t count.

But yeah. Omg I totally just .. LOL I’m an idiot! xD It all started with “Just for an example” and I was only gonna briefly talk about “Don’t Say Lazy” BUT THEN I STARTED TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING!! xDD;;;; Oh well. At least you understand what I’m thinking now! These things go on in my head before I start working on something new or riiiight before I click “Upload!”

But really..
This should all be about me, right? Because it’s my channel? And it shouldn’t matter how many subscribers I have or how many comments I get or how many views I get or if nobody knows about me at all, right? Because I’m a really selfish person. Chiisana once told me that she loved to sing because she wanted to share with the world–make others happy. My reason to sing is because I just like it.

I think IF [and I REALLY REALLY REALLY MEAN “IF” because I don’t have that natural raw talent needed to make it] I was given an offer to become an idol singer, but I had to get plastic surgery–not to say that I’m ugly, but I still would need some for sure–before I could debut, I would do it. I’ve seen some idols who say that they wanted that job because they wanted to entertain people or because they want to/like to shine. I wouldn’t care if people badmouth me for being plastic because it’s not like I did it to look pretty for the world. I think I would just become a singer because I like to sing. ._.

;_; Sorry I totally went off tangent again.

But yeaaaaahhhh… D’x I just want to do what I want to do. I shouldn’t feel obliged to conform to others’ wants or expectations. And yet I feel that way. T.T Which makes me sad.


T.T And recently–Iono why; this is just a coincidence!–I’ve been listening to a lot of new K-pop rookie boyband songs. I’ve been really liking Infinite’s and Dae Guk Nam Ah (D-NA)’s music. ;__; I have that urge to cover them……… Just because I like them… T.T But they’re kinda mostly just trendy and there’s a lot of rapping and although it would be so much fun to do them, I feel like if I did, it’s like betraying those who wish I’d do something else. So I dunnoooo… I was thinking of doing D-NA’s “Stumble Stumble” [PS;; OMG D-NA ARE SO GOOD AT SINGING] and Infinite’s “Wings” but ionoo..

Oh yeah. O_O I forgot. I covered MBLAQ’s “One Better Day.” In my mind, it’s categorized with those Infinite and D-NA songs I’ve been liking. :P I was worried about disappointing people but I still went and did it.

[Cover] MBLAQ (엠블랙) – One Better Day

:P I think you can tell that I find rapping really fun these days. I like this song better than Y. Btw I still am not Korean, no. Don’t expect anything near perfection.

;__; I wanted to proudly say that I figured out all of the harmonies myself, but.. being hopeless at harmonies, I had to resort to asking ChiisanaChanx3 to help with the “One better da~hay” part. T.T I’ll get better.

Feedback is super appreciated, thank you! ^^


One Response

  1. Awww c’mon Eva, I don’t really think your subscribers are [THAT] disappointed in you beca~use, y’know, the songs you sing these days are harder to sing and take more time to finish and you’ve managed to sound REALLY good in your covers. What I’m trying to say is that by singing harder songs and sounding good in them your subs [should] see how you’re improved. Besides, your rap.. You know I absolutely LOVE your rapping, and not everyone can rap and sound AMAZING D: So that’s something that people [should] respect in you.

    ..But maybe you should really sometimes fandub some anime songs [: <3 Andand D: it's only natural to feel down when someone unsubs you. And this comment/reply thing is waaay too long. Iono did it even make any sense with mah english 8DDd -SHOT- <3

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