I’ve always said…

that July is a horrible month for me.

There’s this thing I try to do when I remember, and that is to reread my xanga entries from exactly one year ago. Now that it’s July, rereading my xanga entries from July 2007 is a pain, which is why I haven’t done it for a week, but finally decided to so I could catch up. Also because I didn’t think my mood could get any worse.

I’m different now, right? I like to think so, but I dunno.

When I reread my xanga entry from July 18, 2007, my thoughts kind of relayed between “Wow I changed so much..” and “The me now is exactly the same.” >_____O

good times, eh? good times. <3 always to be treasured.

I completely forgot I write that. .___. The past me was really stupid, but sometimes I think, “Wow, the past me is actually kind of smart..” I dunno anymore. This past year, I haven’t treasured them at all…

heh. i have to learn to take care of myself, because that’s my only choice.

I also don’t think I’ve been taking too much care of my body lately.. o___o

The whole blog I wrote previously about changing myself, etc.. I’m not sure anymore. No matter what, I don’t think I can change.

This is a very unimportant rant post. Meaning nobody should feel like they have to read it, even if they’re my friend. It’s also very long. My life isn’t that novel you’ll find at the library, but I really felt like blogging.

Please don’t read it unless you desperately want to kill 10 minutes. I’m serious.

PS;; Rach Jr. is the name of my beloved teddybear. <3

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

“and i’m happy that you’re happy. <3”

T.T i was gonna watch tv with rach jr again today but i forgot it’s wednesday T.T so there’s nothing to watch until 3:30.

rach jr, you still wuv me, right? <33 ^^

last night i spent four hours reading my xanga entries from september 17, to december 15. x___x; nonstop, by the way. that’s how much i wrote. =] i knew that someday my blabbering and updating everyday would be put to good use.

it’s funny.

how much i’ve changed.

seriously… heh.

in every post, i get more bitter, and more bitter than before.
and then i start cussing more. and eventually i don’t use ^^ =] x] those happy smilies as often.

O___o it’s funny.

huh. i never knew i had so many private blogs. i don’t do many these days. i just write in my journal/diary/thing.

good times, eh? good times. <3 always to be treasured.

hmp. it’s funny how your life can change in, like, a split second. >___O absolutely hilarious.
fehh… and i know i’m not supposed to live in the past, but i guess i’m that kind of person…? i guess.

sigh. i’ll miss those good ol’ days.

x___x; somehow i feel like i’m…becoming what i used to be? ^^; i feel like charlie gordon. like, i’m starting to act a bit like how i acted in sixth grade.

remember? back when i was some shitty dumb ass, who never thought before doing things or saying things, who couldn’t control her emotions, and was pretty much helpless. >.>; if you know what i mean. it kinda scares me. i still have a mind of a child.

hehe. i’m starting to adapt to my old words.
when was the last time i said ‘squee’? =]


so this morning i felt more tired than usual, but i had to wake up anyway. dermatologist appointment.
so, now i’m FREE from having to put medicine on my forehead twice a day!

TT_______TT finally. it’s been too long. such a pain.

i’m getting better. except now for, like, until it heals completely, whenever i go out into the sun, i HAVE to wear a visor. especially when it’s the 10 am to 4 pm sun. that’s when it’s the most dangerous. >.> soon i’ll get this ridiculous patch off my face and people’ll stop pointing it out whenever i see them.

now i only have to put on medicine if it flakes[my skin]. but it hasn’t been flaking lately and doc says that means i have a chance of it healing completely. come on, pigments, you can do eet!!!

so anyway, on our way back, it started raining really hard in fremont. it was kinda…gloomy.

we stopped by milpitas city hall. it’s pretty in there. but outside was hella effing cold and wet >< i hope i didn’t get sick…again. E.E;; i dunno. i guess i get sick easily. i’m pretty much a weak person, i think. O___o physically and mentally.
my dad turned in an application for some new houses near great mall. the chance of us getting picked is small, but if we do, by chance, get picked, i may have to move. and i’ll have to go to a school in milpitas.

eh… right now i feel kinda nausious from the jello. >.> how long did my dad leave that crud sitting around anyway?! hella nasty! but it’s good for me. lately i’ve been drinking a lot of grape juice O____o even though it’s nasty. heh. i have to learn to take care of myself, because that’s my only choice.

so now i’m pretty bored. just sitting around here with rach jr on my lap waiting for 3:30. x__x; still another hour left.

uh… so yesterday i was going through old photo albums. ^^;; my dad’s making me scan in old pictures that weren’t taken on a digital camera.

hahah. funny. x]

as urgly as i am now, i was such a fugly little girl O__o i swear. i was chubby and short. and i had the UGLIEST hair. i looked like a boy. my hair was too short and my bangs were ugly. >.>; i can’t believe my parents shaved me bald. wtf. >.> just cause they wanted a boy. tch.

in some pictures i look almost exactly the same. E.E; seriously. my face looks the same except more chubbeh and round. and i’m shorter and i have shorter hair and…pigtails.

and then there are some pictures i can just laugh at xD becuase i just CAN’T believe that’s me. some are because i look different. and some are just…ridiculous. why did i take a picture with a cloth tied around my neck and a green bucket on my head?! it scares me!

i scare myself. x] and HOW SHORT IS THAT DRESS?! O_____O|l’ plus
-________-; i effing hate my hair…

xD spooky<33 i know that is the STUPIDEST name for a doll EVER. but hey, it was a LONG time ago, okay? T.T; i still have a picture of me next to that doll when i was a baby. and it was bigger than me .____.


hahah. i just watched the thai version of a clip from spirit. i never knew the song “here i am” was from spirit. ^^; it was so cute when he/she[E.E;] got his/her[E.E;;] tongue stuck to the icicle and then broke it off and…eh. i think i killed it. anyway, it was cute.

ooh ooh it’s 3:16. =O rach jr’s excited…’ish.


-squeezessss rach jrrrrr- >___< i lurvess youuuuusssssss.

xD how pathetic am i? i talk to a teddy bear.
heh. i’m getting more and more pathetic each day x__x;
i really have no life. and in a way i mean it literally.


=O anyway. how to kill ten minutes… uh…

i WILL have fun at the beach. i WILL have fun at the beach. i will have fun i will have fun iwillhavefuniwillhavefuniwillhavefuniwillhavefun. TT______TT i’ll try hard.

eh. 3:25. guess i’ll end this blog now. it’s long’ish. huh.


2 Responses

  1. Aww, Ebah… July is almost over! =D Ganbare!!

    Oh my flipping god. Ebah, that picture has to be one of cutest things I’ve ever seen!!!!!!!! *goes back in time and pinches cheeks* You were and still are so adorable!!! <3

    Oh, and Ebah… have fun at the beach. :)

  2. aww, you were cute when you were a baby, and you’re cute now ^^
    you have a lot of trouble, ne? Well it’s ok Ebah!! Cheer up, life is just going to get better :) <3

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