When did my life become a huge mood swing?

Woke up today, was pissed off, cried twice before noon.

Can you tell this is a rant? But I won’t go into detail about that.

What makes things even worse is that my parents are thinking about moving to another house.. I really don’t want to move. I’ve lived in this house for 10 years, and I love it. There’s nothing I strongly dislike about this house. Except that it’s rented.

Today they took me to check out the house they’re considering buying. I hate it. We weren’t able to go inside, but I hate it already.

As small as our house is already, this house is even smaller. The neighborhood’s horrible. The house is dirty and worn-down and just looking at it depressed me even more. The location’s horrible; a robber could break in without anybody seeing. There’s no garage and we’ll only be provided with one car space, but we have two cars. It’s quiet there and creepy.

Also, how the hell am I gonna get home from school after my dad gets a job? I used to walk home, but this place is too far. I’ll have to walk all the way to the lightrail AND THEN take the lightrail home. Plus, that costs money.

All day long I had to put up with constant insults and criticisms. “You’re so worthless,” “You’re so useless,” “How did I get you as a daughter?” “All you know how to do is waste money,” “You never think about things clearly,”
You’re going to be screwed up when you grow up.”

I CANNOT STAND IT ANYMORE. It makes me so mad.

Cried three more times in the car. AND my mom couldn’t stop saying bad things about my school! She kept saying, like, “How come you never get any homework?” “Your teachers are really bad,” “You’re going to be stupid,” “How will you catch up to everyone else?

WTF. SERIOUSLY. Homework has NOTHING to do with how much I’m learning. I do LOTS and LOTS OF CLASSWORK, and I’m learning just as much as my friends are! It just happens that I’m lucky enough to have a combination of teachers who rarely give out homework.

I mean, in some of my classes, my teachers actually teach us MORE than my friends’ teachers do. I know I’m stupid, but I’m not as stupid as she thinks I am. I have all fricken A’s and an A+. Would you like to compare to all the other students who have all D’s and F’s?

And about spending money, I don’t USUALLY spend money a lot. I’m usually scarily conservative. It just happens that right now, my birthday just passed, Fanime’s coming up, and it’s the end of the schoolyear. I feel really bad.

I don’t even spend a lot of money on clothes at all. I barely even have any clothes. -___-; I don’t get how a person could buy one jacket for $60. How crazy is that? And to have SO MANY SHOES? They’re so expensive! I have freaking THREE pairs of shoes, and nothing nice to wear tomorrow to Fanime.

Ooh, these shoes are soo pretty. I’ll just go ruin my current shoes and ask my mommy to buy me these.” How the hell exactly does that work..

I wish people would realize that I feel horrible about this and I feel totally guilty and see that I spent so much time debating because it was soooo effing expensive. >___< BUT NO. My mom just starts with her,
You never help out and you can’t make money, but you’re always spending money. How are you going to grow up? You’re so worthless.”

Sorry that was long and you had to read that. =/


3 Responses

  1. Ouch. Life must be hard with you. I bet your dad is a little more nicer than your mom~~
    If you have any troubles come live with me in New Jersey and replace my bro when he goes to college this fall. ;)

  2. debasement says : I absolutely agree with this !

  3. Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation :) Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Dimly

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